Posted January 3, 2014 by Greg Dragon in Articles and Opinions

Tips To Survive A Terrible Movie Audience

Going to the theater can be a wonderful experience; you have the full surround sound, the larger-than-life screen and a shot at seeing a movie when its first released. This is how we should view the theater but in reality it is a super-expensive, annoying test of patience that almost always ends up in you wanting to kick someone’s ass. Well take it from an expert – there is a way to survive the terror without wasting your money or time. The following list comes from my long experience of weekly theater visitation and clues you in on when to move, when to get your money back, and where to position yourself to avoid rude jackasses.

Survival List For The Theater:

  • Loud candy wrapper, straw in soda, or popcorn guy – Let them get fat, the food noises are part of the theater, deal with it.
  • The loud group of teenagers sitting behind you – Change seats, possibly closer to the screen, away from the center.
  • Guy in front of you keeps looking at his cell phone – Put your foot on his chair so that it blocks the cell light. If he complains mention the phone.
  • Woman next to you keeps asking her husband things about the movie or singing – Change seats
  • Screaming baby – Tell an usher, or management. If they don’t haul that parent out then ask for your money back.
  • People kicking the back of your seat – If they don’t stop – change seats, possibly closer to the screen, away from the center.

Movies To Avoid Until Release

  • Horror Movies – These are a magnet for unruly teens and loud, low-class people.
  • New Friday Releases – Just wait till Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning. Friday beckons teens who want to act up.

If a theater is too packed for you to ever change seats then go to the front desk and have them print you a voucher for a new ticket and pick another time to see the movie. If you finish the movie and it was a bad experience due to the audience – still go up to the front desk, mention the problem and have them give you a pass or ticket for something else.

The list may seem unreasonably harsh but theaters have not stepped up to make things better for the audience in many years. If you have the money to go to a CineBistro where you sacrifice a smaller screen for large, comfortable chairs that legs can’t reach then I would recommend you try it for releases that are important to you. For the rest of us we have to live with one another, so either you move, or you fight back, but either way, go and get your ticket back.

Greg Dragon

Cinephile and opinion writer, Greg Dragon has been a fan of movies since the 80's when Kung Fu theater was all the rage and Roger Moore was James Bond. Greg is the founder and lead critic of Spicy Movie Dogs. You can follow him on Twitter @Rafacus or on his Google+ account.