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Jonah Hex

 

 
Overview
 

Direction
 
 
 
 
 


 
Plot
 
 
 
 
 


 
Cinematography
 
 
 
 
 


 
Score
 
 
 
 
 


 
Acting
 
 
 
 
 


 
Total Score
 
 
 
 
 
0/5


User Rating
1 total rating

 


Reviewer's Thoughts

Well it had all the makings of a special movie: cool looking hero, sexy side-kick, machine guns strapped to a horse and John Malkovich. It had the Western flair, the civil war and Ulysses S. Grant yet it somehow forgot that movies need to be interesting in order to work. Jonah Hex was so bland […]

Posted June 20, 2010 by

 
Full Article
 
 

Well it had all the makings of a special movie: cool looking hero, sexy side-kick, machine guns strapped to a horse and John Malkovich. It had the Western flair, the civil war and Ulysses S. Grant yet it somehow forgot that movies need to be interesting in order to work. Jonah Hex was so bland that words cannot describe how disinterested I was throughout the entire movie. Based on a DC comic book which I am very unfamiliar with, I will go on the assumption that fans of the graphic novel will have a different level of appreciation for it than I did, that level of course being none.

Josh Brolin stars as the infamous Jonah Hex, a terribly scarred bounty hunter who gets hired by the United States president to stop a very bad man from exacting Confederate revenge on the unified states. With a summary like that, you can image a Clint Eastwood type riding through towns, shaking down the simple Sheriffs for info and taking the bad guy out in a one on one cross of six-shooters. Smoke settles and he emerges victorious to hop on glorious steed and ride off into the sunset, a hopeful damsel in tow crying for lack of keeping him. Not this flick, we get a sort of crossover between real life events and comic book fake-dom. Jonah is one part The Crow, one part The Man With No Name from Clint’s Spaghetti Western era (think The Good The Bad The Ugly). He is a wraith with one weakness – a beautiful prostitute named Lilah, played by the fox herself Megan Fox.

You can go ahead and skip this one being that for all the efforts of John Malkovich as Quentin Turnbull and Brolin’s Jonah Hex, the movie has absolutely no crescendo. Megan Fox, who probably thought this would be a good movie to gain back some of her fans (those who joined the anti-Fox bandwagon) must be quite frustrated at her agent. While people will go on about her accent, her acting and her looks, I did not find her to be bad at all as Lilah, quite the opposite really – femme sidekicks of Western badasses are notoriously glorified arm candy. See not much to expect, but Megan shot guys, sexied it up (despite hard censorship) and delivered the cheesy lines as well as she could. I noticed you Megan, no worries, heres hoping you land a good movie one of these days (raises Tanqueray glass).

No Jonah Hex is not the second coming of The Dark Knight, hell it isn’t even Superman Returns. It was a bland movie, with ridiculous explosions, Dragon Balls (you’ll get this joke if you see it) and non-existent violence. Which makes me wonder – had it been a bit more adult, would it have worked? Every sexy scene, violent scene or anything beyond a G rating was squelched by a cut-away. This happened so much it actually annoyed me, I mean why have Megan Fox as the sexy arm candy if we aren’t even allowed to look at her? Riddle me that Jimmy Hayward. Anyway folks, it’s sad to say but Jonah Hex sums up 2010’s summer of movies. Wait until something Spicy comes out before wasting your money on a Jonah Hex.

[rating=4]


Greg Dragon

 
Cinephile and opinion writer, Greg Dragon has been a fan of movies since the 80's when Kung Fu theater was all the rage and Roger Moore was James Bond. Greg is the founder and lead critic of Spicy Movie Dogs. You can follow him on Twitter @Rafacus or on his Google+ account.


  • Glad I didn’t see the film. I’ll stick with Once Upon a Time in the West.