Posted April 25, 2012 by Greg Dragon in TV Show - Recap

Game of Thrones Recap 2.3 – 2.4

Queen Margaery and King Renly

Nothing makes a man more angry than having to miss epic television like Game of Thrones, but as the great Freddie Mercury once said “the show must go on!” So here we are and we are ready to talk some Thrones! Fans of the care bear Daenerys Targaryen can rejoice, the little trash-talking Dragon Mother managed to “nut up” some people into letting her rag tag group enter what looked to be paradise. Book readers bear with me here but why wouldn’t these hardened desert men not smack Dany down and snatch her dragons from her? It’s not like she can even fight… it really annoys me. She’s all: “My dragons will grow up and burn your city first! SNARF!” and a real desert killer would have been like “Shut that shit up gurl! Gimme dem dragons!” (WHAP!)

Incoming rant on body-types…

The other thing that bothers me about Emilia Clarke as Daenerys is the lack of sinewy, starved, muscle hardened rawness that would come from a Khaleesi who rode the great horse Drogo, drank blood and bathed in fire (see I pay attention). The girl looks like she lives in a castle, tended to by fat slaves and servants. Lena Headey’s body-type seems more like someone who could get down with the get down, I mean hell she still looks like a damn Spartan Queen so for her to play Cersei, the privileged lay-about… I think the two would have been better off swapping roles. I’m just saying… GET IN THE DAMN GYM EMILIA! You look too girly!

I am in love with Melisandre…

First off let me say that whoever chose to cast Natalie Dormer to play Margaery Tyrell is a cruel, cruel person. How is someone so… I don’t know… blazingly hot going to be begging her husband to put his baby in her? I know, I know, it probably happens all the time, but good lord that’s a queen that most men would happily kneel in front of… or behind… WOOF! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)! Her hubby of course is the younger brother of Stannis and Robert Baratheon – the mouthy Renly Baratheon… a man who has a massive army, a colorful military (no seriously, they are called the Rainbow Guard) and a passionate love for his best male knight. Yup, Renly loves the booty. And to name his knights The Rainbow Guard… well, hell laugh if you want, but with warriors like the Knight of Flowers and the newly recruited amazon named Brienne, you may just get your ass kicked by a bunch of colorful sword saints.

I’m just saying… Don’t sleep on Renly. Stannis Baratheon of course being his polar opposite (a redhead loving, unwavering, boorish, homophobic, sword-wielding, witch sexing, puppet) decides to run up on him and demand that he cease his ride for the throne or their brotherly blood will not mean spit when he decides to move forward. Renly, convinced that numbers equates to auto-win for him, tells Stannis to go stick his stiff head where the sun doesn’t shine. Sigh… this won’t end well now will it?

The witch Melisandre

So after the brothers parted with much prejudice, Stannis’ main lady – Melisandre, has his aide take her to the foot of the cliffs that Renly is camped out at (he locked em out) and does some actual “disturbing” witchcraft. Let me pause here and remark on how much I really, really, like this woman. Sure, she’s foul and she now has a puppet usurper drunk off of the power of her p-word, but she throws that sexiness around so easily, it is almost funny how men cant resist her. She’s all “ya, you boys want a piece of this… and yes, you can get it… but you have to part with your soul for it” – all in one glance. Actress Carice van Houten plays THE HELL out of that character and it is always a pleasure to see her do that wonderful thing she does. Even if it means spreading her pregnant legs open at Renly’s gate to birth some sort of shadowy, demon-mist. What the hell was that!?

Is Tyrion the only person actually TRYING to win Jaime back?

I have to give it to this show, if you really, really pay attention, you can see behind Tyrion’s brilliant, chess-champ caliber scheming to realize it’s intent and that is to get his beloved brother home. I mean, the little man is bringing the hammer like I never could imagine he could; he doesn’t give a crap about sadist boy Joffrey, he doesn’t let the castle schemers play him, and most importantly he has managed to systematically mute Cersei Lannister to the point where she is absolutely done. Well played sir, well played indeed.

I thought back on season 1 and I remembered The Imp when people felt sorry for him (now he’s the people’s champ). Cersei was being a bitch (I know, water is wet and the sky is blue), people acted as if he was in the way, and his own father wanted nothing to do with him. But I also recalled Jaime Lannister, joking with him constantly, understanding him, loving him, and buying him whores. It makes me really, really, respect the King Slayer even though he pokes his sister. If any of us had a big brother who had our back like Jaime and Robb Stark (to Jon and Arya), we would face hell to bail them out too!

Tyrion Lannister

So props to Tyrion for fencing with his brain like a master, but he is doing exactly what any loving brother would do. He’s fighting for his only friend’s life!

In other news, dangerous little Arya Stark is still a cutie-pie

During the trip north Arya Stark has a one on one with a warrior who told her that he found an easy way to fall asleep during hell by chanting the names of the enemies he wanted to kill. A few scenes later after that warrior got cut down (after going out like a straight up war wraith), we see little Arya falling asleep while chanting the names of Joffrey, Cersei, The Hound and The Mountain. She really makes me want to read the books because like Jon Snow and Daenerys, this series is slow rolling us into some sort of epic reckoning by the hands of those who are routinely treated like crap.

There’s just too much to recap after two episodes, but really these things are what stuck out to me the most and warrant discussion. Theon Greyjoy has decided to kiss his family’s ass and play Raider instead of staying loyal to his best friend Robb Stark, but I can imagine it’s a front for him to help out despite his father’s reluctance. Seriously, is there one negative thing to say about Robb? Hell, I can’t find one. Then what about them hinting that Brahn can assume control of his wolf when he sleeps?

It just keeps on getting better doesn’t it? Game of Thrones is about to get some action now with Stannis assaulting Renly, Arya being by Tywin’s side (yup that happened) and Robb routing a host of Lannister banner men. It’s getting real!

Greg Dragon

Cinephile and opinion writer, Greg Dragon has been a fan of movies since the 80's when Kung Fu theater was all the rage and Roger Moore was James Bond. Greg is the founder and lead critic of Spicy Movie Dogs. You can follow him on Twitter @Rafacus or on his Google+ account.