Posted March 9, 2010 by Greg Dragon in Spicy News Reel

Cocaine is One Helluva Drug – Lohan Sues for 100 Million!

How much cocaine can I buy for 100 Million? Please I need to know this, please answer me people! Is it enough to snort “white girl” for the rest of my life? Myself and Lindsay Lohan wish to know, in case her latest attempt on cashing in on some Superbowl  bread pans out.

Do you even remember Lindsay Lohan? Well you probably recognize the name but don’t remember anything she has starred in or even care. She did do a movie way back in the day called Mean Girls and has been the brunt of many a “drunk crack whore” joke since then. What Lindsay is REALLY known for and will never live down is being part of the foul wave of crotch-shot heavy, drug-ridden, spoilt, rich, over-celebritied brat pack of Hollywood (circa early 2000) that held people such as Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie in its membership. Well Lindsay has resurfaced recently – and no it’s not for an upcoming movie or anything, but for a frivolous lawsuit against E*Trade for their latest ad featuring a baby girl named Lindsay that is labeled a “milkaholic” by the E*Trade baby’s girlfriend.

Hmmm, am I to assume that only one Lindsay exists? That the gingered coke-aholic is THE Lindsay. Well I say nay! I have known many a Lindsay, so if this one gets 100 Mil, I think they should too. But let’s take a look at the ad before we continue tearing this crackhead actress a new one.


So if this doesn’t scream opportunistic bullshit suit I don’t know what does. Hey Lindsay get over yourself hon, I had forgotten about you, your substance abuse and your train wreck of a life prior to reading this today. None of us guys at the heavily populated Super Bowl party that I attended – watching this ad premier even recalled your drunk ass when we saw cute Milkaholic baby girl. Please go away or go star in something else other than online scandal rags and Google Image nip-slip cameos. If you get even a penny off of this it will only green light other washed up coke addicts to come out of the woodwork to sue companies in order to keep their dream merchant happy. Amy Winehouse I hope you’re paying careful attention to this… okay that was mean, I love Amy’s music, I should stop now.

We will be watching the outcome of all this with great interest.

Greg Dragon

Cinephile and opinion writer, Greg Dragon has been a fan of movies since the 80's when Kung Fu theater was all the rage and Roger Moore was James Bond. Greg is the founder and lead critic of Spicy Movie Dogs. You can follow him on Twitter @Rafacus or on his Google+ account.