Friday the 13th (2009)

I went into Friday The 13th expecting it to be good based on the history of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, I am happy to say I was not dissapointed.

Sparing no time it gets right down to the massacre, within five minutes of the movie you witness a head being decapitated and an introduction to the first set of victims. They give you some background and enough to know what the kids are all about and then once you get past all that and about thirty minutes of killing… the title finally emerges. It’s like oh sh-t that wasn’t the movie?

The real movie features the stereotypical annoying kids that Jason always seems to kill but this time they spared no bias. We are given the black pothead, the Asian genius, the rich douche bag and the token blonde whore. Of all the characters the main one I wanted to go first was rich douche bag boy who, once on screen, spared no time in showcasing his high level of assholery. The story begins with a few kids off to spend a vacation (from school) at douche boy’s parents multi-level cabin in the woods where they meet the brother of a former Jason victim who is in search of his missing sister. That’s your plot right there, minus the screams and chunks of meat and charred flesh.

The level of unnerving slaying is no different from what you may expect, though instead of being cheesy like the older films, this one had a multitude of ways for Jason to take out his victims… a composite bow even makes it’s way into the mix. The plot however does not sway from the originals in terms of kids near the lake trying to f-ck each other’s brains out, having the time of their life and in comes the hockey mask wearing hater to crash the party. I expected Jason to actually run in this movie, kinda like Leatherface did… you know that scary visual of a 300lb deformed redneck with a taste for killing chasing you through familiar woods? Well they stuck to the norm and Jason just kinda conveniently appears behind you when you don’t expect it.

Our audience tended to laugh more than anything else, so I feel Friday The 13th failed in the suspense/thriller department. I didn’t see girlfriends hanging unto their men for dear life and I barely heard those audible scared people mumbling “don’t open it girl” but the general consensus was JASON’S BACK! I chalk it up to familiarity with the masked menace versus it not being scary enough though.

After the movie I drove home on a very foggy, lonely road to my house and I almost expected to look in my rear view and seeing the muddy hockey mask staring back. As you can see I am writing this review so the big man didn’t “get me”. Watch it if you are a fan of this genre, do not miss it on the big screen. I give special kudos to Jared Padalecki and most of the other actors for a believable performance. It was a thrilling time, and I await a similar sequel.

Written by Greg Dragon – who has written 365 reviews on Spicy Movie Dogs.

Cinephile and opinion writer, Greg Dragon has been a fan of movies since the 80's when Kung Fu theater was all the rage and Roger Moore was James Bond. As an opinion writer that has reviewed Box Office releases on a number of prominent websites, Greg is the founder and lead critic of Spicy Movie Dogs.