Transformers: Dark of The Moon

So I finally saw Transformers : Dark of The Moon and unfortunately it did not wow me as much as some of my other former Transformers junkies said it would.

I will be quite critical in this article so I will preface this by saying that the action in the last 20 minutes of the movie was by far some of the most amazing stuff I have ever seen on film.

The shear excitement that ripped through me at seeing Bumble Bee fluidly roll over obstacles to deliver up close headshots, front kicks, transform into car form and reverse to avoid a projectile, transform back into robot form to resume ass kicking, wipe up his opponents and then scoop up Sam and his weird looking new girlfriend to get the hell out of dodge. It was… wow, whew, it makes you 13 all over again.

My one wish with this and other Michael Bay popcorn movies is that he makes better decisions on hiring writers. The script was so incoherent and all over the place that you begin to grow impatient as you wonder “when are these robots going to start blowing stuff up?” There is an attempt to make us feel some sort of bond with Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and his annoying parents but after 2 former installments with the fast talking nerd – it just falls flat.

The Blonde Megan Fox Replacement

Well, the word on the streets is that Megan Fox who played Sam’s hot girlfriend in the former 2 movies, uttered some analogy about Hitler and was allegedly fired by way of the mighty word of Steven Spielberg through Michael Bay. Poor Megan may have even gotten herself blacklisted for the analogy but I am sure time will tell if my assertion is true.

In her stead is a tanned, blue-eyed, leggy blonde (bear with me, don’t get bored just yet) with thick lips and an English accent. If exotic wasn’t such a pathetic word you could probably use it for her. Needless to say Megan wasn’t missed and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as Carly is as worthless a character as Megan’s former role. How does Bay get away with casting women as male arm accessories like this? Who knows, but I am sure she was good eye candy for the guys in the audience… I however, was not feeling her.

How Do I Really Feel?

It’s a fun movie, granted it was an hour too long. The CGI on JFK, Nixon and Obama was absolutely terrible and the random corniness was over the top. But you get an orange-tanned John Malkovich in power poses (you have to see it), Transformer fights that you can actually keep up with. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING MR. BAY! And there is enough fan service to satisfy any former collector of the old HASBRO toys.

I can honestly say that I actually remembered the final fight, which is a lot more than the garbage that part 2 had to offer. There were no niggabots, no robot testicles and there was a scary spinning tentacle beast by way of the Decepticon Shockwave that made the fights seem spectacular.

This is the best of the set and while the fights were amazing I truly hope that this is the end. If Michael Bay does attempt a 4th Transformers I would hope that Shia bows out, as his character and everything about him ultimately drug this movie down moreso than helping it. Afterall we come to see Autobots vs Decepticons when we watch Transformers, not a fast talking kid who gets in the way for 2+ hours.