Before I Self Destruct (2009)

While technically terrible with the lackluster acting (though I found Curtis Jackson to be good), amateur camera work and clichéd story Before I Self Destruct had its moments and ended up being an enjoyable Netflix watch for me. Part of the reason being that Clarence played by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson was such a likable characters that besides all of his flaws and false reality you can’t help but keep watching to see what would end up of his torrid life.

 Before I Self Destruct is a story about a young man that liked to play basketball who ends up losing his mother and being forced to take care of his younger brother. Within this movie we get the scope of the hard street life being survived by a man who instead of letting it consume him becomes a predator within the concrete jungle and eventually becomes a “professional” that is hired by one of the streets top crime bosses: Sean (Clifton Powell). I really didn’t understand what the movie was trying to tell me as a viewer; was it a story about Clarence, was it a rags to riches tale or was it a movie to drive home the old street credo of resisting the urge to become a sucker for love.

While Clarence was meant to be this smooth killer that could take out guys in broad daylight and then vanish, he came off as being a bit too lucky as a professional. When you look at movies like The American and Leon The Professional you see that these guys survive because they cover their tracks well and they can vanish after death is dealt. But not Clarence, he shoots people in broad daylight, gets back into the same vehicle he drives around town in without any worry of being caught by police or rival gangsters. This did not sit well with me being that Clarence isn’t even well liked in his city.

A loner that has no friends who is only known for his basketball skills can stroll through the most dangerous neighborhoods, wack rival gangsters and leave peacefully? This just smacked of lazy writing. Still we could pick this apart until the cows come home but Before I Self Destruct wasn’t some Box Office smash so let’s take it for what it is – an amateur hood flick. If you love movies like State Property and anything black and low budget then you will no doubt enjoy the hell out of Clarence The Professional. Not to mention Tayuana Jones plays Clarence’s girlfriend Ronette, who has a body that leaves nothing to the imagination during her steamy sex scenes with 50 (the perks of directing I bet). It was a little perverted extra reward for me sitting through this bad movie.

So yes it’s terrible but check out Before I Self Destruct if you want a good laugh and some nice brown girl on girl action with video girl Lola Love near the end – it’s worth it. For Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson writing, directing and putting this together himself, I think it’s worth a watch. Just don’t come back here bitching about wanting steak when I’ve told you that Curtis has produced ground beef.