Piranha 3D

The 2010 version of Piranha 3D combines nostalgic themes of horror with a bit of Girls Gone Wild and gore. For viewers of the original 1978 version of the film you may be turned off by the emphasis of breasts and ass over the piranhas but for what its worth it still worked.

If you are younger than myself (child of the 80’s) you may have missed out on the cheesy movies that USA would show late night like The Toxic Avenger, Rats and many other D-Rated horror classics. If you did then you may misunderstand the intent of a movie like Piranha 3D which was frame for frame a near perfect homage to the type of cheese that was made back then.

Piranha 3D is very raunchy; I am surprised that R was a sufficient rating for it with the abundance of vag shots and woman on woman action going on. The gore was over the top in an Ichi the Killer sort of way and the plot was typical. It’s spring break so you get your fair share of asshole teenagers that movies like this are good for. These same teenagers are spared no mercy when the piranha’s find them and about an hour into the movie we witness a feast unlike no other from the wicked fish. As a remake that isn’t advertised as such, Piranha will probably confuse a ton of folks who will think it a sad, cheesy movie with terrible special effects. Having it in 3D was no bonus for me as nothing stood out enough to warrant the extra ticket cost.

While the 3D was worthlessly non-existent to me, there was always something to grab my attention in every scene of Piranha. From the perfectly shaped, double D breasts of adult starlet Gianna Michaels on a para-sail, to the piranha’s chewing through a man’s midsection and sawing him in half. The gore was plentiful but so was the amount of naked female body parts (top and bottom) along with Jerry O’Connell acting like the worst kind of woman pimping, horn dog. The acting was rightfully inconsistent, the main boy Jake (Steven R. McQueen) and his girl crush were not likable but his mom Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) was hot in that “woman in uniform” sort of way.

My final thoughts on Piranha 3D is that it may end up being a sleeper hit for gore and classic horror fans. Not sure on it’s intended audience yet but if you do go out to see it please remember that it is meant to be a fun remake. Fans of adult film will be pleasantly surprised at a few faces that liberally show off every inch of their bodies on the big screen. Piranha 3D is extremely gory, sexist, disgusting, perverted, wet, offensive and fun. Watch it at your own risk!

Written by Greg Dragon – who has written 365 reviews on Spicy Movie Dogs.

Cinephile and opinion writer, Greg Dragon has been a fan of movies since the 80's when Kung Fu theater was all the rage and Roger Moore was James Bond. As an opinion writer that has reviewed Box Office releases on a number of prominent websites, Greg is the founder and lead critic of Spicy Movie Dogs.