Robin Hood (2010)

What a waste of two great actors, a great supporting cast, excellent cinematography and 2 hours and 20 minutes of my life. Robin Hood started out beautifully, carried through well and then ended in a most disappointing belittling of my intelligence through a forgettable melee on the shores of London. Ridley Scott who has had moments of brilliance, figuratively dropped the ball on what could have been a realizing of the true story of one of history’s most romanticized heroes. Oscar Isaac as the whiny, undeserving King John was probably the only highlight to this flop (loved him). With the fantasy ending that concluded two hours of dramatic, round-about storytelling, they may as well have had Russell Crowe don the lime green elf suit and split arrows with his excellent bow skills. Instead they chose to trick us into thinking this movie would be epic and then surprise us with Robin landing an arrow into the neck of a man riding away from a melee at about 100 yards.

Is it possible to make a good Robin Hood movie? Is it possible to show a strong woman without unrealistic scenarios showcasing her fighting skills and ability to “romp with the boys” The same issue plagued King Arthur with the lovely Keira Knightley; the writers assume that we the audience are so dense that we cannot pick up on a person’s character and quality with ample development. The first scene which involved Cate Blanchett as tough girl Marion Loxley was enough for me to know that if it came to it, she could hold her own. But this apparently was not enough for the writers, no we must see Marion threaten Robin to cut him with her knife, we must see her avoid a rape and of course we have to see her don the armor of a knight… not sure which knight matched her petite frame enough for her to fit the armor but whatever. She must be defiant and angry but her misunderstood angst is really love in the disguise of an icicle-ridden suit of plate mail only to be thawed by the charismatic Robin Longstride. How did Cate Blanchette read this script, see the ending and not puke is beyond me.

Russell Crowe is excellent, we know this, we expected it and we love him for it. Russell Crowe made Gladiator what it was as his macho, confident and renegade swagger was the necessary ingredient needed to make a Maximus come alive on the big screen. Gladiator complemented the man, he is rough, he is rugged and he is here to stay as one of our best actors. With the fantasy of Robin Hood from the past we are not used to a Russell Crowe playing the Englishman, we are used to a skinnier, cleaner, brightly garbed version, whose merry men are just as flamboyant as he. With Crowe’s Robin Hood he is a realer version, unshaven, pudgy, dirty as hell and having the unsophisticated humor of a foot soldier. So seeing this man so easily shifted to a position of leadership, where he is face to face plotting strategy along with the William Marshal (William Hurt) to King John himself – is an insult to my intelligence. Did we really need Robin Hood elevated to this status to prove his impact to be as tremendous as it was? No, so why was this even done?

Robin Hood was a mess, plot-hole ridden and a huge disaster. Oscar Isaac made an excellent King John, Mark Strong as Godfrey, Crowe as Robin and Cate, yes of course Cate as Maid Marion so it most definitely was not the acting that is the problem. The lush green forestry of Nottingham, the disheveled huts of the struggling people and the huge stone walls of the castles were beautiful, so there was no problem in that. When the French take to the sea and landed on the shores of London and the untamed waves crashed against the ships, I could almost taste the salt water it felt so real, so really I cannot place fault there. When arrows pierced flesh, blade cleaved mail and fire burnt uncontrollably, it was convincing enough to showcase the horrors of a siege, so again no fault there. But the problem lies in the fact that I got no closure to the fate of the surrendered French raiders when Robin saves the village, and the lack of reasoning for Marion to ride into battle with the cast of Lord of The Flies. Writing, or lack thereof killed this beautiful movie, writing, the most important of all the review elements.

I’d advise to avoid this movie like the plague. When I saw the bad reviews pouring in, I assumed it another issue where people were looking for alcohol and got milk instead. Little did I know that the drink would be poisoned either way. What a waste of Cate Blanchett who was a beautiful and exciting Marion and what a waste of Mark Strong whose face alone makes him one of the best actors to portray a villain. Awful Ridley Scott, absolutely awful, I think I will go watch Gladiator in order to rinse this foul taste from my mouth.