Ninja Assassin

Do you like Ninjas? Do you like kickass choreography, ninja magic and shredded karateka performing the stunts in concert? Then you just might like Ninja Assassin, the latest kickback to the 80s after skinny jeans, embarrassing spandex clothing and forgettable music… okay I kid, I kid. Ninja Assassin reminded me of the old Sho Kosugi movies like Pray for Death, Nine Deaths of a Ninja and Ninja 3 the Domination. While my review will whine on the fact that there is absolutely no point to the movie outside of a shallow story with kickass action, I will preface it by saying I absolutely loved it and plan on owning it when it is available for purchase.

What Ninja Assassin lacks in story, it makes up for in tremendous action, gore and choreography. Korean pop sensation Rain makes for an excellent lead character and his weapon-play was an extra bonus on the action scenes. Cutie Naomie Harris was Mika, our Sanaa Lathan in this AVP, looking pretty, showing strength when it is needed and… wait are you not getting the connection? Well the movie is about a collective of murdering Ninjas running around ninjaing each other while an unnecessary investigator dangerously researches their secrets. This researcher would be Mika (Naomie Harris), a forgettable character who has an even more forgettable partner that ultimately gains the friendship of a renegade amongst the ninja. I compare it to AVP because, well AVP was about a cute investigator looking into the meaning behind a few ruins while two alien races savaged each other to death until she gains the respect of one of them. Now granted, it’s bad that this story (like AVP) was probably written in a matter of seconds, it’s even worse that this woman’s looks were my only means of tolerating her breaking my ninja action for some lame attempt at a plot.

One thing that bothered the hell out of me about Ninja Assassin is a pet peeve I have grown to have with Asian leads in movies. Why does Asian lead equal no sexual situations in movies? Its like you are allowed to kick all sorts of ass, be a cool, macho type of guy but absolutely no sex… even if your name is Chow Yun Fat (The Corrupter doesn’t count). Don’t get me wrong I won’t go on a racial tirade about it but you put a Korean sex symbol into a movie as the lead with an attractive woman (Naomie Harris) and give them chemistry, yet the only connection you grant the audience members is a peck on the cheek? Am I wrong in pointing this out? I think of Romeo Must Die with Jet Li and Aaliyah, Kiss of The Dragon, hell any movie with an Asian male lead, I was really hoping this would kill the trend. Let it be Jason Statham the ninja or Will Smith the ninja and Naomie Harris would have been doubled over and ravished within 30 minutes of the credits. What is going on Hollywood? Hell there was an Asian love interest for Raizo (that’s our ninja’s name by the way), yet still none of that hot sexy chemistry we have grown to love. Even a crap story like Elektra had Jennifer Garner taking time out from being a hardcore ice queen to getting some loving for a few minutes. It’s that obvious, but in defense of Ninja Assassin, there was not much else outside of fighting within the story.

There is something pure about Ninja Assassin, from a martial artist’s standpoint. The camera work along with the CGI on the weaponry flowed amazingly well with the choreographed duels and shootouts. The blood was plentiful, as in Ichi The Killer plentiful, but it never looks out of place or as ridiculous as you may think. I had no beef with the reality of things, since it never pretends to be anything more than a fantastical ninja movie. Ninjas vanish into shadows (literally), bounce over speeding cars; self heal wounds through meditation and can find you via your scent. Yes if you attempt to bring boring old reality into the mix for this movie, you will be sorely disappointed. All in all, this was a fun flick – Rain should definitely be seeing more lead roles following this one and Ninja Assassin could probably use a sequel. Get out and see it, or face the wrath of the Shinobi!